I love you, I miss you and when can I ever talk to you again... it's been a month and few days already 😔

280615..

it's going to be one month soon. since the last time, I ever gotten a reply. I don't even know why, I don't even have the courage to do any of those, anymore. I have been taking initiative to snap you ever since we last chatted but it seems like everytime I do that, all I get in return is just ignores after ignores. blue ticks, in whatsapp. blue arrows, red arrows and even purple arrows, no boxes at all, in snapchat. yeah, I know maybe its just my wishful thinking, why would a person like you even bother about one like me? I guess you got tired, like how everybody else does. I guess you just found me plain annoying and you find me a joke that you don't even bothered to talk to me. _ during conference, we didn't talked at all. I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO YOU BUT NOPE. IT NEVER HAPPENED. Day02, I was happy when I saw you walking in from the entrance but after that, you just walked down another lane away from me. you don't even know how I felt. thanks man. cause your action helped me to rely on God more. it hurt me so bad but I couldn't even act like I care. YEAH I DIDNT. OKAY. I SAID I WANTED TO NAIL YOU TO THE CROSS. BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL IN MY MIND. GOD HELP ME. PLEASE.

EXO - Promise. thank you lay..

Sometimes, I close my eyes and fall into the thought of you You habitually imagine of that familiar image of me Despite my clumsiness, you still like me no matter what But do I deserve to be loved by you? You who have always been waiting for me You who embrace me with your arms I won’t forget I will make you happy like the ‘we are one’ word I’ve told you. Although time passes, there is a word I cannot express, sinking down in my heart. 'I'm sorry' 'I love you' asking you to believe in me like this time I will hug you and hold your hands If I am able to express my heart, I will devote myself to you. I want to protect you whenever 'Things will be better or it will be forgotten as time passes' Since those consoling words might not be able to conform you, I feel uneasy again. Don’t go. I wanna hold you back. I know that it is difficult to keep believing in me since the promise was broken once. However, I wanna stay with you forever, living and sharing breath. I wish we were happy like that in the beginning. Thank you, I’m so sorry, love you. Even if I have given my all to you, it’s not gonna be enough love I’ll protect you all my life. yeah it’s okay to just follow me. You who always wait for me Go straight on, thankful ‘you’ I will never forget. I will make you happy like the ‘we are one’ word I’ve told you. Although it might be hard and tiring, I will go up on the stage again once again, I will encourage myself to do it. For you who have been waiting for me, I will hug you and hold your hands. If I am able to express my heart, I will devote myself to you. Those joyous days My birthday’s stage, I spent with you. The single word from you cheered me up I promise~ Promise me~ When your heart feels terribly hurt, I will definitely embrace you. Although time passes, there is a word I cannot express, sinking down in my heart. 'I'm sorry' 'I love you' asking you to believe in me like this time I will hug you and hold your hands. If we can stay together endlessly, I will devote myself to you.

-

he's the first person I feel safest telling my life , mood , thoughts , feelings and all to. maybe cause he doesn't know my circle of friends ? I don't know... but it just feels like he's the safest to keep my secrets with.

ㅠㅠscrewed up lifeㅠㅠ

i am not ashamed of coming from a poor family , but all I want is just more money. everything needs money nowadays , tickets to convert , tickets to overseas , food , everything. all because of money , I am unable to do things that I want. yes , many times I hate myself for being born in this kind of family condition , but i never once hated myself for having my parents. I know what they go through and all just to bring me up and I appreciate them a lot but all I ask for is for them to have more cash , more money . everyone of my friends are bragging about being able to go to all concerts and being able to go overseas as and when they can and having all those branded stuffs. I DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT BRANDED THINGS LIKE WHY DO U EVEN NEED IT , not like you can marry or eat it or not like it can cheer U up and fan service you or whatever shit. I just want a better life. yes my life is good now and I really thank God for putting me in this family but i just ask for more excess cash , life is getting tougher each day. more and more financial problems starts coming. i see my parents working their asses off everyday but the amount of money we have never seems to increase. I wish for brothers who knows how to save, why do people need to eat expensive food like buffets ? wtf once in a life time not enough? I really hate myself FUCKING HATE MYSELF. WHY DO I ALWAYS WANT TO GO CONCERTS ?! Though I've only been to two but tbh it's not "ONLY" coz wtf all the money I earned through working and my parents and god-parents working , all gone to waste just like that. BTS IS COMING TO SG AND NOW I FUCKING WANNA GO CAUSE I CAN MEET AND TALK TO THEM , so much more worth it but wtf ? I don't even have the money anymore. WHY CAN'T I HAVE A LITTLE MORE BETTER LIFE ? WHY CAN'T I HAVE JUST THAT ABILITY TO DO ANYTHING I WANT LIKE MY OTHER FRIENDS ? WHY ARE THEY ALL SO GOOD LIFE AND IM HERE LIKE A FREAKING SCREWED UP KID ? WHY IS LIFE SO FCUKING EVIL ? GAHGAHAGSISGKSBSLAHAGIA URGH AND OTHER THAN BLOGGING I HAVE NO WHERE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS. FINALLY. BLOG.